no, you do not have a mental illness. the state of questioning your sanity is proof of your sanity. quoted from law and order CI. besides, its just conflict between your ethos and logos. maybe it is just time to re-evaluate your priorities in life.

you've set goals for yourself and you've followed that path truly devoted and convinced, so much so that you've forgotten what you were doing. perhaps it is time to rediscover what makes life worth living, again. do things that you used to do. as corny and wishy washy as this sounds, its really just a re-evaluating process. going back to the start and doing things fresh again.

i know its hard to just start clean, when you're still holding on to so many things at the moment. if only it was as easy as the backspace button, huh? but no, people don't work that way. but if you are determined enough, you know you can achieve that level of awareness. you may think you are a pessimist, but it is a matter of belief. what do you really believe about yourself. and my dear Pisang Dua, there is a distinct line between pessimism and realism. just think about it.

i hope i'm not too preach-y. i know my words of wisdom advice come out a bit stern/judgemental/harsh sometimes, but i mean well. as always, don't be too hard on yourself. give yourself time. you deserve it. okeh?

^^