its about time i made another appearance here. i've been trying to upload images and saving em for one mega picture post. again, the internet let me down. so words will have to suffice for now.

school's over for a week now. freeze and i have been working at the main library to just keep ourselves busy. i was pretty ecstatic because its my FIRST paying job ever. how cool is that. muahauhauahauahauhauha. my job is to basically shelve incoming books. its not all that simple because our library is super huge (3rd largest in the states) with, if i recall....10 frickin million books. i'm serious. you can look it up if you don't believe me. so we had to learn the classification system and where everything is. ooweee i was surrounded by musty 'ol books all day. most o the time, i'm on my own shelving books. everyone just picks their own deck to work on and start shelving. its a pretty isolatory experience. mindless too, considering all you have to do is follow numbers. i've been thinking in dewey decimals all week. its pretty mind boggling, to think in numbers and decimals and alphabets. interesting, but my sanity was beginning to crumble. i worked from 8.30am til 5pm, with only a 30min lunch break. so yes. it was back breaking. i don't recommend doing the job for more than a full week. my legs ache and my neck is a little strained. damn those high shelves. pfffft.

so yeah. i work in a frickin library! =) aside from that, xmas break is here so i'm at home cleaning my room. its a right disgusting mess, it is. then i'm off to chicago from the 26th onwards til new year. see new sights, meet some friends, eat different food, experience chi-town. yeah babe. i think i'm looking forward to the city.

well nothing much else is happening. i'm learning C when i can. its so nifty to be able to say i know programming. miuahauahuhauhauahua. oh and our final grades are out. decent, if i don't say so. nothing less than a B. pretty much what i expected, so no surprises there for me. now all i gotta do is keep on working and work my way up the gpa.

weather's been pretty warm after the last snowfall. its supposed to snow an inch tonight. o well. at least i wouldnt have to trod in puddles anymore. =)

i came across this song by ungu, an indonesian band, titled "kekasih gelapku". the lyrics for the song are below:

Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku...

Ku tahu ku takkan selalu ada untukmu
Disaat engkau merindukan diriku
Ku tahu ku takkan bisa memberikanmu waktu
Yang panjang dalam hidupku

Yakinlah bahwa engkau adalah cintaku
Yang ku cari selama ini dalam hidupku
Dan hanya padamu ku berikan sisa cintaku
Yang panjang dalam hidupku...

Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku...

when i heard this song, i felt incredulous disbelief. i mean, i might have loved this song a few months back, but then, its stupid. if she is the person who he loves most in the world more than anything or anyone, then why isn't he with her? why is she his "mistress" instead of his gf? does this make sense to anyone? if you truly love that person, you would be willing to do anything to be with that someone, and not just whine about how much you love that person but you can't be with them! life's too short. stop wishing stuff like you wished you met him/her before you met your current partner.make a choice.

P.S: i know i'm ranting about nonsense, but it makes sense for me :)

-beetoo@ freeze

Its that time again. results are coming out. my econ exam results came out. i got a B-, which people say isn't that bad. but it is for me. as much as i act all flippant and unworried about my exams, i do worry. i know that its one of my weaknesses, that is i'm never satisfied with what i get unless its the best that i can get. but is that so bad? to want to be and to do the best that i can?
I'm really upset about that grade. that's all i can say.

well, this is it. it's december, and its snowing. this has been the one thing that i was excited about when i was coming here, seeing snow. well, i've seen it, and undoubtedly it has made me happy. but what i didnt count on was the holiday season. people going home, to celebrate the holiday with their families and loved ones. and what am i doing? nothing. the highlight of my day now is going to CRCE, for a workout, and we all know how much i enjoy that(not!). the holiday cheer that i initially felt because school was out is replaced by a feeling of loneliness. this may be because there are only three of us in the house now, and one of them is leaving on wednesday. then it'll be just the two of us.alone in the house.

i remember when i was in Chicago the last time, i saw a homeless man for the first time. i cant describe what i felt when i saw him. it just seemed so unreal. there he was, his clothes all tattered,using a plastic bag as protection from the pelting rain. all the while, he was surrounded by shops that boasted the fanciest and most expensive things that you can imagine. it seemed so ludicrous.

seeing that made me feel thankful for all the things i have and the people i love. i guess the world can be cruel, although maybe it isn't the world at fault, maybe its the people in it. i learned one thing though. Giving just $5 to those who need it more than i do brightened up my day, from the "God Bless you" that i received in return.

I read this article in our school's newspaper and found it quite appropriate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For years, The Daily Illini used to publish the following editorial on the first day of finals each semester.

And it came to pass.
Early in the morning toward the
last
day of the semester,
There arose a great multitude
smiting the books and wailing.
And there was much weeping and
Gnashing of teeth,
For the day of judgement was at hand
And they were sore afraid, for they
had left undone
Those things which they ought not to
have done,
And there was no help for it.
And there were many abiding in the dorms
Who had kept watch over their books
by night,
But it availed them naught.
But some there were who rose peacefully,
For they had prepared themselves the way
And made straight paths of knowledge.
And these were known
As wise burners of the midnight oil.
And to other they were known as
"curve raisers."
And the multitude arose
And ate a hearty breakfast.
And they came unto the appointed
place
And their hearts were heavy
And they had come to pass,
But some of them
Repented of their riotous living and
bemoaned their fate,
But they had not a prayer.
And at the last hour there came
among them
One known as the instructor; and
they feared exceedingly.
He was of diabolical smile,
And he passed papers among them
and went his way.
And many and varied
Were the answers given,
For some of his teaching has
fallen among fertile minds.
Others had fallen among the fallows,
While other had fallen flat.
And some there were who wrote for
one hour,
Others for two,
But some turned away sorrowful,
and many of these
Offered a little bull
In hopes of pacifying the instructor
And these were the ones who had
not a prayer.
And when they finished,
They gathered up their belongings
And went their way quietly, each in
his own direction,
And each vowing unto himself in
this manner: "I shall not pass this way again."


Daily Illini

essays give me headaches. period.

and i thank god i won't have any (or not as much anyway) next semester.

wish me luck for my finals.

sometimes i wonder. what is purpose of studying overseas. i'm really glad to be where i am now, and not elsewhere. i'm not putting down other institutions of education, just the quality of life they offer. i suppose i am privileged. really. spoiled. lucky. whatever you call it. i worked my ass off here. i chose to come here. because this is where no other of my kind has ventured before.


honestly, what is the whole point of coming here if i know what to expect and who i'm going to meet? again, not stomping down on say, bruneians studying in the UK, but really, life could not get anything more interesting if i met the same people everyday and had the same classes as them. freeze and i had a discussion about this, quite a few times really, but we could not exhaust the topic. we see these groups of koreans going to the same classes and basically, living togethre every friggin day. how boring could that be. not to mention a waste o money and time. if you're going to be in a foreign country you've gotta at least experience new things.

that's how i see it. not being racist and all. but i just think its ridiculous to go to a new place and stick the same ol habits.

i wanna live and learn. so yeah. gimme the unknown anyday. the comfort zone has become boring and old news. its time to step outside our little bubbles and see what else is out there.

speakin o which, to date, i 've met (and know) frat guys, alcoholics, party addicts, potheads, nerds, geeks, druggies, musicians, dancers, sorority girls, and others. these are just bits of people's personalities which stand out to me. it does not mean that those terms define them though. everyone has a bigger side to their character, and one can never tell how intelligent (or not) a person is until they've really talked to them. it really is interesting to meet all kinds o people. you hear different perspectives and ideas and you begin to question yourself, who you really are and what you stand for. instead o just getting second rate and sometimes even fiction from the idiot box, i get to say i know things first hand because i've met these people.


so yes, i'm learning a lot and i dare say will continue to do so for a while. and if you're questioning my intentions and my actions here, i'm sorry to say you would never have known me at all if you doubt my character. or, you simply have trust issues that you need to fix. pffffffttt.


anyway, that aside, i've gotten an awesome compilation o music from a friend. daym. and i learned to live the dorm life today, thanks to freeze. i had dinner at a dorm. was so friggin fun. the buffet. omg. i hadnt had such good food in a long time. filling food that is. had pasta with fried vege and choc cake. well theres always the unhealthy side o dorm food. its a buffet, wadya expect. then we had late nights at another dorm. jeez the snacks and sodas galore. i *heart* how we're spoiled for choice here. the food. amazing. and no, we never had to compromise either. still sticking to fish and veges. we underestimated the variety o food they have here. they really do cater to everyting. would've been so much fun living in a dorm. but hey, this way, we get the best o both worlds cos we now know dorm people life and house people life, which is awesome.

i'm so stuffed right now. its hilarious. this is why i'm glad i dont live in a dorm because otherwise would be really pudgy right now. the days o starvation and poor food (i'm exaggerating) helped keep the weight normal. hahahaha. but yes. it is interesting to see how people manage to stay healthy living in dorms. its amazing.


right now, i really should be getting some sleep or some work done, but im digesting the remnants of my super filling meals. food coma!!!!! ^^